Let’s talk about appearance

Today I think we should talk about appearance. I don’t know if this goes for everyone, but for me and many people in my surroundings, depression and anxiety often lead to people feeling insecure about their appearance. A common belief is that if you just get skinnier, buy more fashionable clothes, wear more make-up, put in some hair extensions, get visible abs etcetera, then you’ll be happy again. 

Obviously this is not true, but if you feel that you can relate to this it’s not your fault. Behind this lie is a billion dollar industry making it’s fortune on your belief that you don’t look good enough, and spends millions of dollars on advertising to make you feel this way. Since I’m working in the media industry I have seen this advertising process from the inside, and can confirm this as true.

Almost every single person who owns a TV knows L’Oreal’s oh so famous slogan “Because you’re worth it” which they claim is about feminism. Perhaps it was, back in the 1970’s when it was created and women started to break free from the boundaries men had set for them for thousands of years. However, since the importance of how we look has lost all reasonable proportions in our society today, this slogan instead, in my meaning, represents the beauty industry and how the companies are constantly trying to convince us that beauty goes hand in hand with happiness. “You are worthy of being happy. Buy our products and look fabulous and you’ll be as happy as you deserve to be”.

Having that said, I still feel like I need to clarify my point here. I wear make-up almost every day. I am interested in fashion and read Elle Magazine every month. The difference is that it doesn’t define my self-value. For example, my boyfriend doesn’t care at all what he looks like. He is all about sports. Almost all the magazines he buys, all the books he reads and all the TV he watches are sports. It’s his main interest in life. I read fashion magazines, I spend a certain amount of hours each month shopping for clothes and make-up, because I think is fun and it’s my interest. I think it’s equally fun shopping for my friends and finding the perfect dress for a special occasion. However, both me and my boyfriend read the news, are interested in politics, watch documentaries together and love to be out in the nature. (It’s probably the social norms that has made me, as a girl, interested in fashion, and him, as a boy, interested in sports, but that’s another discussion we’ll go into some other time).

Despite this, we both have an equally healthy relationship to ourselves now a days. We have the same amount of self-distance and self-respect regardless of our interests in life. But it hasn’t always been like this; when I was younger and was in a deep depression I too believed that making myself prettier would bring me happiness and confidence. But even after I dyed my hair blonder, got my toned abs after hours at the gym and spent a smaller fortune on new clothes, I felt exactly the same. I remember standing there in front of the mirror and asking myself; “OK. Now what?”.

That’s the moment I learned my lesson. I did not gain even a little bit more confidence, self-love or self-acceptance, and didn’t receive more attention from others either by spending more time and money on my appearance. However (and I’m not saying this to make a point, this is actually true), when I dealt with my anxiety and started to feel more at peace and dared to be myself around other people – that’s when people started to tell me they thought I looked beautiful, and that’s when strangers started to come up to me on the street asking me for my number. Beauty goes hand in hand with good self-esteem and charisma, not products you buy in the store.

If attractive physical appearance were a receipt for good self-esteem and happiness there wouldn’t be so many celebrities and models with drug addictions, depressions, alcoholism and anorexia. But we all know that that’s not the case.

It’s not a cheesy saying people are quoting when they try to tell you that beauty comes from the inside. It’s the truth. The reason you don’t instinctively believe it’s true is because you are shaped by the advertising you see every day to not to. Dealing with your mental issues is the key to inner peace, happiness, beauty and love. At least that’s what I believe. At least that’s what saved my happiness.